


Who Will Watch You Die?

by PStarkRogers



Series: Morning Glories [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Graphic Description, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 16:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PStarkRogers/pseuds/PStarkRogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the greatest day of the year. His family and closest friends were on the sidelines, cheering him on. Everything was great and he was almost done--</p>
<p>And then suddenly everything changed in a moment of earth-shaking, burning pain, and suddenly he doesn't know what's up and down and he's numb and--Oh my god, was that smoke?</p>
<p>--My way of understanding the Boston Marathon bombings. NormalStuck, no game. Death, gore, and physical descriptions of amputations. Will be graphic. You've been warned.--</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Will Watch You Die?

**Author's Note:**

> Even though I myself was not affected by the bombings, I felt extremly moved by them. As part of my work I was one of the first to hear about them. It was terrifying. I was geting mixed reports, terrible accounts, and all I had to rely on was Msn. This is my way of dealing with my feelings. This story is as graphic as some of the pictures that have been posted, and I hope you take this warning to heart. It is not for the faint of heart, nor those with issues in regards to blood, gore, or dismemberment. Please heed my warning, and read at your own risk. Thank you.

It was the greatest day of the year! He had trained all year to be able to get into the Boston Marathon, and now, _finally_ , he was here. He could see the finish line just ahead of him, and even though he wasn't the first, he was still well ahead of the bulk of the crowd.  He could hear Roxy and Dirk cheering for him, and as he raised his head to grin at them he saw a flash of light somewhere behind them and suddenly---

**BOOM!!!**

Suddenly he was on the ground and his head was pounding and as he looked up he had just long enough to panic and realize that there was _smoke_ coming from somewhere just behind where Dirk and Roxy had been. As he stumbled to his feet he felt the world tilt and as he started running he realized what was missing from the panic and chaos--sound. There was no screaming, no yelling, nothing. Everything was silent. He stopped, blinked, and looked around, shaking his head violently. But as the ground gave another shake and another wave of smoke rose from somewhere else, he decided he didn't care. Right now the only thing that mattered was his friends, and finding out if they were okay.

Jake pushed through the crowds, desperately trying to get to the sidelines. As he pushed through he finally started gaining some of his hearing, and he almost wished he hadn't. Everyone was screaming, people were crying, and there was the sound of sirens and tires squealing as ambulances attempted to get close enough to help. He jumped over the down gate and as he tried to sort through all the screaming and crying and sounds, he finally picked out a single wailing scream that he recognized.

"Dirk! Diiiiirrrkk!!!" The girl's voice was louder than all the other voices combined, and it was screaming, screaming a single word, over and over. "Dirk!"

Jake pounded his sneakers into the ground, jumping over a few downed people in favor of getting to his friends. He finally slid to a stop at Roxy's side, and it took his brain a moment to fully absorb what he was seeing.

Blood. lots of blood. The sidewalk was covered in blood and it looked like someone had spilled red paint everywhere. Roxy was in the center of it, her arms wrapped around something and covering it with her body. "Dirrrrkkkk!!!!" Her scream lanced through Jake like a knife, and he fell to his knees next her, gently tugging her arm.

"Roxy. Roxy, hunny, you have to let me see."

Roxy shook her head with force, her arms tightening around what she was cradling on her knees. "No!" She let out a violent sob and Jake watched as tears ran down her cheek unheeded. "He...He needs help...." She took a gulping breath, gasping for air. "Doctor."

"Yes darling, I know that, let me see how bad it is, let me help. I'm half trained, but I can do something..." Jake gently tugged her arm away and this time she let him, letting her arm flop to her side.  Jake gently pushed Roxy up, and when he turned back to Dirk, he had to hold back a gasp she wouldn't have understood.

Dirk's white wife beater was stained red, and if Jake hadn't known it was white before, he probably never would have. It stuck to his rapidly rising and falling chest, and Jake could see the outline of all of his muscles. But as Jake's hands slowly moved south from his ribs, he figured out where all the blood had come from. His right leg was black and red, and the skin was quickly turning a sickly gray. In fact, his whole body was slowly turning a sickly gray. It was crawling upward from his leg, which Jake could not stop staring at.

Which was largely because where there had once been strong sturdy muscle there was now just empty space. Dirk's leg was gone, and all that was left was thin ribbons of what had once been thick and healthy muscle and arteries. Jake just stared in absolute horror as the leg attempted to flex, and more blood spurted out. It was the low and very pain filled moan that brought Jake back to reality, and he quickly shook his head and took a deep breath, realizing what he needed to do.

He quickly pulled off his rib brace and his jogging tank top, quickly ripping it into shreds. He wrapped Dirk's leg up in his shirt, murmuring soft soothing words under his breath. Once he had the shirt tied tightly around the leg he knotted it off and grabbed his rib brace. He pulled it under Dirk's leg and up, but before he wrapped it around he glanced up at Roxy's tear and blood stained face. "I need you to hold him tight now, okay? Just..." He took a deep breath and swallowed hard, trying to gather his confidence. "Just hold his shoulders and keep him from jerking, alright?" He waited for Roxy to nod her understanding before he pulled the brace over and around twice more before velcroing. Dirk jerked in Roxy's arms as Jake tightened it, and Roxy let out a deep sob. "Jake stop! You're hurting him!" But he continued pushing on the brace, knowing that he had to stop the bleeding soon, or Dirk would bleed to death before he could get any help at all.

"I'm not hurting him Roxy. I'm helping him. Don't worry." His voice was calm, despite the amount of nerves he was feeling. He took a deep breath and looked at Roxy, tears pooling in his eyes. "Roxy, hunny, I need you to go find help." She looked up at him, and her red eyes held no comprehension. "Help, Roxy. Dirk needs to get to a hospital, now." He stared at her, and after she nodded, he scooted so that he could take her place, still leaving his hands on the brace wrapped around Dirk's leg. "Go Roxy. Go now, and be fast. Get whoever you can, okay?" She nodded and stood up, wobbling slightly. She darted off and Jake gently took one hand off of Dirk's leg and ran it through Dirk's hair. "Hang on sweety...Someone will be here soon chap. Stay with me...Please god stay with me."

It took Roxy only five minutes to find someone and come back with a stretcher, weaving in between the debris strewn everywhere. As Jake and the EMT loaded Dirk onto the stretcher Dirk moaned and his eyes flickered open, and that was the moment that Jake realized that Dirk's shades were gone, probably shattered on the concrete somewhere. Jake moved in close and gripped Dirk's hand, making shushing noises. "It's okay love, it's okay. We're going to get you to a hospital and take care of you, I promise. It's okay, it's okay..." In reality, it wasn't, and Jake wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort Dirk or himself.

"Jake..." Dirk gave a faint squeeze to Jake's hand and went quiet again, his head lolling slightly to the side. "Dirk?"

"Sir? We need to get in the ambulance. We can only allow one ride along. Are you coming with us?" The EMT stared at Jake and before Jake could even really process what he was being asked, Roxy had knocked his shoulder with hers.

"Go with them. Dirk needs you more than me. "

"But...Roxy..."

"Don't worry Jakey. I'll follow soon. I promise, Ganglish." She smiled at him, even though there were tears streaming down her face and her lovely pink eyes were rimmed in red. "He needs you. Just text me what hospital they take you to, okay?"

Jake nodded and crawled into the ambulance, never once letting go of Dirk's hand. Dirk moaned again and suddenly Roxy was forgotten, and Jake focused all his attention on Dirk, praying to God that he would make it through this.

\---

30 scrambling minutes and four hours later Jake was sitting in the Brigham and Women's Hospital's ICU, twirling his phone between his hands, waiting for Roxy to get there, waiting for the doctor to come out, waiting for anything. He stood up and paced the waiting area, pacing for the fourth time--or was it the fifth?-- in less than an hour. He sat back down and stared at his phone, hoping to god that Roxy would text him.

“Jake!”

“Sir.”

The two voices happened at once, and Jake’s head shot up so fast he heard his neck popped. But it was forgotten as he watched the nurse come forward, reading over a couple of pages on her clipboard. Jake was so focused that he didn’t even notice Roxy slip up just behind him. “Sir, are you Jake English?”

“Yes, I am.”

She looked up, nodded, then looked back down again. “You’re listed as the first emergency contact for Mister Dirk Strider, is that correct?”

“Yes. Not to be too frank, but what does this have to do with anything? I--”

“And are you Miss Roxy Lalonde, the second contact?”

Roxy nodded, not saying anything.

The nurse nodded her head a couple times and then finally looked back at Jake, her look changing from business-like to a softer, more concerned look. “I just have to be sure. I’m sure you’ve noticed the security around. We can’t be too safe, anymore.” She sighed and motioned to the chairs behind them. “You may take this news better if you sit.” When nobody moved she smiled slightly and just continued, as if she saw this kind of thing everyday. “Mister Strider is in critical condition. After his leg was amputated by the explosion, it appears that he hit his head rather hard on the ground, which caused his head to split slightly down the back. Luckily it stopped rather quickly, but the loss of blood from both wounds was massive, and extremely taxing on a body that had already gone into hyperdrive.”

“We managed to get him more blood and to seal off the wound, but his body has gone into shock and the doctor in charge isn’t sure yet that he’ll pull through...” The nurse looked down at her notes and sighed softly, then looked back up. “In 15 years of service, I’ve yet to find a good way to say this. But you may want to say your goodbyes. He’s stable enough to have visitors, for a short while. You should go see him. The doctor is cleaning up, but he’ll be in to talk to you shortly.” She turned and walked away, and neither of them moved as her words sank into their hearts.

“Jake...” Roxy softly broke the silence, her voice catching slightly. “You should--”

“You should go see him Roxy.” Jake overrode her, and his voice held more strength then he had. He nodded at the floor and then looked up at Roxy. “Yes, I think you should go see him. Go on, go see him. I’ll....I’ll see him after.”

“A-Alright. If you say so...” She walked down the hall, looking over her shoulders a few times before she finally rounded it. But Jake didn’t notice. He didn’t notice anything at all. The only thing he was aware of was his own beating heart, thumping away inside his chest. His thoughts were racing, spinning over and over each other as they all tried to crowd to the front. He sank into the plastic chair and put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm down.

He knew he should be there, he knew he should be right there, next to Dirk, holding his hand and begging him to stay with him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but sit there and breathe, breathe deep breaths that he hated himself for. He wished it had been him, he wished that right now it was him dying on the operating table instead. He knew that was selfish, and it only made him hate himself more. How could he be this selfish when his best friend and the love of his life was dying just a few feet away?

But no. No, he was here, in the waiting area, sitting in a cold plastic chair that was the most uncomfortable thing he had ever felt, and he was wishing that he was dead. Yeah, good job Jake! He sighed and tugged at his hair, angry at himself for feeling like this.

But that was hardly the only thing he was angry about.

He was angry that someone could be so heartless as to plant _BOMBS_ at something as innocent and simple as a _marathon_. It was a running event for goodness sake! They weren’t doing anything to anyone, they weren’t harming anyone. So why...Jake gave a great hiccuping sob and felt the tears start to fall, and as everything finally sank in, he felt his heart grow heavy and his tears increase, and he slowly sobbed out his fear and frustrations. At first it was quiet and soft, but as he sat there, his tears came faster and his sobs grew more hysterical, and he started hyperventilating. He knew he should calm down, but like many things he knew, he didn’t really care. The one true love of his life was laying in an ICU room dying, and he was out here, unable to will his body to take the steps necessary to go see him. No matter how much he wanted too, and no matter how right he knew it was he just... _couldn’t_.

He couldn’t bring himself to get up.

He couldn’t bring himself to stop crying.

And most of all, he couldn’t bring himself to stop being selfish, to stop wishing that he was in Dirk’s place instead.

He just couldn’t.

\---

“Jakey?”

Jake looked up at the soft voice, not recognizing it at first. It was so hollow, sad, and distant, that it hardly sounded like Roxy’s voice at all. “Yes Roxy?” He didn’t know why he was putting a brave face on for her, because he knew she would see right through him. He could only hope that she was so out of it that she wouldn’t.

“You-you should g-g-go see h-h-him.” She hiccupped and the tears rolled down her cheeks in little waves. “B-bef-fore he’s g-gone.” She sniffed and dug her teeth into her bottom lip, drawing blood. Jake stood up and wrapped an arm around her shaking shoulders, directing her over to the little waiting room couch and gently pushing her onto it and then pushing her into a laying position. Roxy put up no fight and no resistance, she just curled up and cried, her tears and sniffs muffled by her arm as she drew one arm over her face and curled the other under her head. She just layed there, eyes closed and chest rising and falling rapidly. As Jake watched her slowly fall apart he felt his self-hatred increase, and he slowly ran a hand over her head, a motion he had seen Dirk do a hundred times before.

Roxy’s sobs grew worse and she shook her head violently, causing Jake to pull back. He didn’t take it personally. He should have known better than to do something reminiscent of Dirk. She wasn’t ready for that, not yet. He sighed and stepped back, staring down the hallway towards Dirk’s room. He bit his own lip and then sighed, knowing what the right thing to do was, and yet hesitating to do it.

“Rox?”  She didn’t answer, but he heard her give a sniff and he chose to take that as her way of acknowledging his voice. “I’m going to go see him. I...I’ll be back soon, okay?” She nodded softly and Jake nodded back at her, even though she couldn’t see it. “Right...Right. Off now.” He took a deep breath and wiped his face with the back of his hand. “Right.”

He walked down the hallway and each step felt like a mile, and it felt like time slowed to a crawl, each second taking an hour. By the time he reached Dirk’s door and was standing outside it, one hand on the handle, he felt like he was an old man, and that surely now, he would die. But as he took another breath and walked in the door, he knew with an unexplainable certainty that he was damned to live for much, much longer.

He walked in the door and, as it slowly closed behind him, he felt a sense of finality settle over himself. It was as if one chapter of his life was ending, and another, albeit a much sadder one, was just beginning.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> The title is based on the song "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cuties. I know this story just kinda...ends, but I felt like that was a fitting ending. Thanks for reading.


End file.
